Making Amends

Dear Friends,

You have heard me talk about what I have been learning through Freedom Session in a few devotionals. A couple of weeks ago we were given two tools that I want to recommend to you. It is my hope that you will use these tools to gain your own freedom and, if you have children, to help them gain theirs.

The author of Freedom Session says that the word “can’t” means one of two things, either you won’t or you don’t know how. Let me say it again. Saying “can’t” means either that you won’t or you don’t know how. This certainly applies to making amends for what we have done.

Let’s say that you have hurt someone and you are truly sorry. How do you go about telling them, without causing more hurt?
1. First determine your motive.
a. Wrong Motives – these are not in your control, you cannot expect them.
    i. To hear the other person apologize to you.
    ii. To hear them say that they forgive you.
    iii.To make sure the relationship will be restored.
b. Right Motives – these are in your control.
    i. To follow through on what God asks of us in loving our neighbor.
    ii. To display Jesus’ character in you.
    iii.To take responsibility for what you have done.
    iv.To make things right as far as it depends on you.
2. First forgive them if they have hurt you (I’ll give you the forgiveness tool next week).
3. Then as sincerely as possible, say the following:

CONFESSION
I want you to know that when I __________________________ (describe what you did and possible when it happened), I deeply hurt you and that was wrong. I was wrong and had no right to do that to you. 

APOLOGY
I realize what I am saying now cannot undo what I’ve done or remove the hurt I’ve caused. Nonetheless, I do want you to know and hear me say that I am deeply sorry for hurting you personally, and how this has/may have affected your life and those you love.

RESPONSIBILITY
I have no excuse why I hurt you as I did. You didn’t deserve that. What I do know is that my __________________________ (identify what caused you to do this – pride, selfishness, avoidance, jealousy, sarcasm, impatience, gossiping, etc.) behaviors were influencing me rather than love or concern for you. Again, I am sorry.

DESIRE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT

And lastly, I want you to know that, to the best of my ability and with God’s help, I intend to _________________________. (A word of caution – don’t promise the “moon”. Make it doable to the best of your ability. Most importantly, follow through with your commitment. Make yourself accountable to someone to do it.)

REMEMBER – do not expect anything back. When you are ready to trust God with the result, then you are ready to make amends.

Romans 12:17-18
NIV - Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Message - 17-19 Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”

God brought four people to my mind that I need to make amends to. I will let you know next week how it goes……. Oh God, have mercy!! I trust you!!!!

Blessings from Bev