#1 from lornrewel on September 13, 2009

When I first read the question, I thought, “It is going to be really hard to pick the most critical need.” But after mere seconds the word “nurture” occurred to me and the more I thought about that, the more I concluded that it is at least a very good starting point for considering the question.

Nurture (the noun) means: training; upbringing; something that nourishes; and -  : the sum of the environmental factors influencing the behavior and traits expressed by an organism.

Nuture (verb) : to supply with nourishment;  educate; further the development : foster

God so created the world that every living thing needs nurture. Among intelligent creatures, that nurture is typically given by and/or directed by parents. And it seems to me that the more highly complex and intelligent the creature, the more detailed and sophisticated (and perhaps lengthy) is the required nurture.

For humans, the “highest” of God’s creatures, not only do we require nurture of our physical, mental, emotional, and behavioural aspects, but we have the spiritual self, not apparently part of the composition of any other being on earth.

I knew in a theoretical way that children whose needs for nurture were not met because of parental inability, neglect or abuse would suffer developmental deficits (physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual.) But now that I have a daughter in Mexico caring for many different children who have been abandoned or removed from their homes, I am experiencing it up close and personal. Children who missed being held and rocked as infants benefit from this even later on. It helps with trust and attachment which are essential to healthy development. Structure, order, consistency and predictability are crucial. Children raised in unpredictablity and chaos cannot trust and do not “get” the order in which all creation is functioning. To them the world is a confusing and dangerous place. They need to be nurtured in a way that assures them their needs will be met day after day - then they can begin to take in the intellectual concepts about their world that will allow them to progress to healthy and contributing adulthood.

This is no less true of all of our children, but we may be following the more or less healthy models of our families of origin and not consider the dynamics of nurture. That sure was true of me as a dad.

No one person (or couple) has all the nurturing capability that a well-rounded child will need. Our society has quite a “nuclear family” approach. Other societies routinely include extended family and even the village in child-forming nurture.  Whoops…out of space.. to be continued.

#2 from lornewel on September 13, 2009

Nurture (continued)

Reliance on the nuclear family alone for raising a child has progressed (regressed) significantly even in my lifetime, to the detriment, I think, of our children. In the small town in which I was raised, any adult was expected and welcomed to protect, instruct and correct any child in the absence of the parents and to report to them. The school and the church had quite well understood if unspoken parental authority and responsbility. There would be no such thing as suing a church, school or individual for disciplining a child.

As our society has become more diverse in its values and we generally know our neighbours less well than a previous generation did, this community responsibility for nurturing children is being lost. I think it therefore requires us to be more intentional about it.

I don’t have kids in the children’s ministry age at Northview, but my perception is that we do pretty well at providing for the physical security, emotional support, intellectual development and spiritual nurture of our children. It would be much easier and probably allow more depth and breadth, if the kids all came from families in which there was the same level of nurture, common values and behavioural expectations, etc. But I guess we nurture tham as we find them.

As we pray, the Holy spirit will give us insight into the somewhat unknown backgrounds and experiences of children, and will give us strategies for their “repair” and progress. He will also give us wisdom in how to help their parents with methods for more effective nurturing so that the “man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

#3 from Shaun on September 13, 2009

I must first state that i am not a parent. I speak with no authority of one nor do i comprehend what it must be like to be a father. But i speak as a person who was robbed of a mother and father, so i can say what i missed most. The one thing which i believe most crucial , the one thing which i wish my parents had supplied me was love. I Am Sam is one of my favorite movies as this is its foundational concept. Beyond all of the particulars , the little nuances and discrepancies amongst parents and generations one thing which i believe all persons and generations believe a child needs to develop normally is to be loved. In a world of masks and superficiality , and of fears and regrets , a child needs a place to return to ...... a shelter from the storm….. a home. Wherein they know despite any faults or wrongdoings on their part , despite anything the world around them says ..... they know they are loved. To this day i find it hard to fathom that God can love me , let alone another person. The lack of it in my childhood i believe to be the single greatest hindrence (aside from ignorance to God…. but really love from parents should serve as a reflection of Gods love…. unconditional right?) in my life. All you need is love.

#4 from Diana on September 14, 2009

Your kids need your time.  Spend time with them.  Lay on the floor and play Barbie.  Make mud pies in the back yard.  Color.  Read with them.  I promise your kids won’t remember what a great job you did cleaning the house, or that the grass was always cut.  They will remember the times you ran through the sprinkler with them.

#5 from Nancy Williams on September 15, 2009

Hi Robyn,

My first guess would be the need to belong. Without a sense of identity a child is unhappy and restless. It’s the parents’, as well as the Christian communities, responsibility to create an atmosphere of belonging. Think of how you felt when you realized who you belonged to; it gave you a whole new sense of security and acceptance. A child feels loved and accepted when he/she feels that sense of belonging to a family, God and others.

Discipline would be my second guess. Not a harsh or demanding type of discipline; that will only drive a child to rebel but a teaching type of discipline. A lack of discipline creates insecurity and a feeling of being unloved or uncared for. Discipline is a true mark of love. It is often the hardest thing to do but it is the most loving and nurturing thing to do.

Training or instruction would be my third guess. What is it that adults need most from God other than forgiveness and acceptance? A child needs the same from its parent. Without instruction and guidance a child will grow up confused and disoriented and have a hard time finding their place in life.

To the person who is missing a parent or both, or the child adult) who has not had the most perfect upbringing, or even close, thank God, that He has the ability to mend the most broken heart and has provided our most basic needs to be met in Christ Jesus.

#6 from lorne R on September 20, 2009

parents have years on children.  out wit, out smart out last,  as long as possible this is the creed.  it’s easy at first then it can be a challenge but when they are at their best and brightest and they still let you, that it is the reward.  the wise words of simpson bully,  curney, “I’m not only a teenager but also the parent of a teenager.”